i get this feeling (when we touch)
by halcyon epochs
Summary: "But I didn't truly have feelings for him. Actually, now that I think about it, I never really liked any boys." She grins wryly. "Maybe I am gay." -In which Alice falls for her best friend throughout their seven years at Hogwarts./For Ash


**Writing Club**

Character Appreciation - Word: Joke

Disney Challenge - Friendship - Write about a strong friendship, that can overcome anything.

Creature Feature - Harpy: Shrill, Oni: LilyAlice

Amber's Attic: 13. When your heart is broken, you plant seeds in the cracks and pray for rain.

Book Club - Mad Sweeney - (dialogue) "I did it with panache and style. That's how I did it.", (word) temperamental, (word) mistake

Showtime - Overture - write a different POV of a canon event

Days of the Month - Bat Appreciation Day - Write about Severus Snape

AAA - Garbage Bears - Emotion: Hatred

 **others**

Auction - (pairing) AliceLily

Easter - guess the name - Jazzy - Gryffindor Common Room

Oracle Competition - write about a character undergoing a life-changing segment of their life.

Eurovision - Spain - Perfect

* * *

 _For Ash_

* * *

 _-Year 1-_

 _"GRYFFINDOR!"_ the Sorting Hat declares and a chorus of cheers and applause breaks out. Alice scampers to her new table and suddenly, hands are high-fiving her and pride roars in her ears.

Across the table, a redheaded girl with piercing green eyes smiles at her. She's pretty, in sweet, cute sort of way. Alice smiles back.

"I'm Lily," says the girl. "What's your name?"

There's a future in her eyes, a promise of eternal friendship waiting in her extended palm. Alice seizes it.

"I'm Alice."

* * *

Alice has three epiphanies about her new best friend during the course of the year.

1\. Lily Evans is smart.

2\. Lily Evans doesn't like breaking rules.

3\. Because of number two, she dislikes the Marauders. Particularly James Potter, with a passion unrivaled by none but his.

The first one is advantageous to Alice, because it means she doesn't have to pay attention to lessons. Lily diligently takes notes and Alice copies them later, along with her homework.

(She does feel a bit guilty for using Lily like that, but Lily appears not to mind. It's hypocritical of her, since she loathes rule-breakers.)

The second one is problematic. It means she can't sneak out on midnight excursions to the kitchens, or even set foot out of the common room, because Lily would halt her and remind her brusquely that there was a curfew for a reason.

And lastly, the third one.

 _That_ was an interesting one.

Alice isn't surprised when she steps into the common room one morning and finds James and Lily rowing.

 _Again._

Their quarrels are usually over silly things. How James pranks, or in her words, "bullies" her and Severus, how arrogant he and his mates are. Once, Alice witnessed them bickering about James's hair, which is normally in a state of disarray.

Alice would intervene, but she learned a long time ago to not, unless she wants to get caught in the cross-hairs of their arguments. Lily can be quite temperamental. Others tactfully stay away from them until they're finished. Even James's band of friends.

(Alice suspects it is Remus's advice.)

It gets to the point where they're squabbling everyday. It makes Alice rather curious.

So she asks, and she gets a full-blown twenty minute lecture about James Potter and his mannerisms.

"He's such an arrogant git!" Lily says angrily, pacing the room. "I don't get what his problem is!"

That's when Alice puts the pieces together, but she doesn't tell Lily. Yet.

(It's best to let Lily work it out on her own.)

* * *

When the school year ends, hugs are exchanged along with promises of letters. Lily and Alice do this, Lily more eagerly.

That summer, Lily sends a grand total of forty-seven letters. Alice replies to each and every one of them.

(She also learns a thing or two about Muggles. Who knew they were so fascinating?)

* * *

 _Year Two_

Alice actually catches a glimpse of Lily at the train station. She is standing with a tall woman who has matching vivid red hair. She could be mistaken for Lily's sister, but the motherly aura around her says differently.

She watches as Lily says a tearful goodbye to her mum and runs through the barrier with her trolley. Her mother observes, a fond sparkle in her eyes.

Alice turns to her own mother, who looks rather plain compared to Mrs. Evans. "Bye, Mum," she says.

"Bye, dear." They hug and Alice inhales her mother's scent for the last time.

Little does she know, it'll be the last time she does. Ever.

* * *

October 11th, 1972.

The day Alice receives the news that her mother is dead.

Dead. Gone. Deceased. There are so many words, but they all mean the same thing.

Alice's mother is gone.

The whole day is a blur. She numbly accepts condolences without really knowing who they're from.

And then, Lily's sweet, melodic, sympathetic voice reaches her ears, and it's the only voice she can discern from the hundreds in her head. And it's the only one that means something to her.

"I'm sorry." Green eyes swim with tears, and Alice doesn't know anymore.

She falls into her friend's arms and cries. Cries, until her face is blotchy and her eyes are red and she's a total mess.

But she doesn't care. Lily's her rock, the only thing supporting her, keeping her anchored to this earth. Otherwise, she would gladly join her mother in heaven, or wherever she is.

But she knows Lily will always be there for her, because she truly cares for her.

And that reassures Alice, knowing she isn't alone.

* * *

Time heals wounds, but not scars.

Alice's scars are enormous.

The fresh wave of grief has passed, but to only be replaced by listlessness. The desire to do nothing. To lock away her happiness and descend into lethargy.

She barely eats. She drags herself to classes. She's quieter than normal. She tosses and turns all night, her mind plagued by horrible nightmares.

To say this year was colorless was an understatement.

But through it all, Lily remains steadfastly by her side. She fights less with Potter, devoted to only her dulled friend.

And a door creaks open in Alice's heart.

* * *

 _Year Three_

It's strange, being alone. For the first time, her mother isn't there to say goodbye, to hug her until she suffocates. No one to wave at her when the train departs the station.

It's lonely.

Lily greets her with a beaming smile, only for it to falter as soon as she lays eyes on her best friend.

"Are you okay?" is the first question that comes out of her mouth. Her brilliant green eyes are worried; perhaps she can sense the desolation inside.

"I'm fine." Alice smiles thinly.

She's thirteen. She knows how to put on a mask. She can hide what she's feeling.

But apparently, not from Lily.

Lily throws her arms around Alice and buries her head in her neck. A scent of jasmine wafts up to Alice's nose and she inhales.

Lily is her new home.

* * *

"Leave me alone, Potter!"

The familiar cry rings across the common room. Alice chuckles.

It's Potter again, leaning on Lily's chair with a smirk on his face. His eyes sparkle with mischief and amusement.

"C'mon, Evans, just a kiss," Potter cajoles and Alice nearly does a double take, stifling the mirth bubbling up in her chest.

"I said no, Potter!" Lily exhales, her eyes drilling holes in Potter's skull. "Get out of my face, you git!"

Potter finally grants her request and leans away, but he isn't done yet. "Daredevil much, Evans?"

Oops. He pressed the wrong button. Lily's face darkens. "Excuse me?"

"Oh come on," Potter carries on obliviously, "everyone knows you've been snogging Snivellus Snape. Why else would you two spend so much time in the library?"

 _Oh Merlin._

Alice snorts. The _last thing_ Lily would ever do was snog Snape. Clearly, Potter didn't know her as well as he claimed.

Lily swells and a crescendo in her voice sends people scurrying for cover.

"POTTER!"

* * *

"I cannot _believe_ the nerve of that prat!" Lily fumes, pacing the dormitory furiously. "What compels him to formulate such senseless, ill-founded theories is beyond me."

(Fun fact: When Lily's extremely pissed off, she uses a medley of complex vocabulary.)

"Calm down," says Alice placidly. "Boys only pick on girls because they fancy them."

She watches with mounting amusement as Lily sputters, her face coloring. " _Wh-what?_ Potter does not fancy me. No way." She looks suspiciously at Alice. "Are you channeling Potter or something? Because this sounds like one of his false assumptions.

"Trust me; it's a proven fact," Alice continues sagely. "I know a girl who lives a couple of houses from mine. The boy across from her house used to pick fights with her. He admitted to doing that just to catch her attention, and now they're a couple."

Lily has a gobsmacked look on her face. "I still think you're wrong," she insists stubbornly. "Nope, nope, nope. He doesn't fancy me. I won't believe it until you give me solid evidence."

"Okay," Alice replies. "We'll see."

* * *

 _Year Four_

"Go out with me, Evans?"

Lily gives him a deadpan stare. "In your dreams, Potter."

Potter's face takes on a sulky pout and he stalks away. Lily turns to Alice.

"Ugh, what's with him? This is the fifth time this week," she moans.

"You wanted solid proof that he fancies you, right?" Alice is in the middle of painting her nails. "Here it is, on a silver platter."

"No," she says obdurately, "he's just doing that because he likes the attention. I would just be a trophy girlfriend to him."

"Fine, if you say so," Alice says serenely.

* * *

Alice almost slips on the rose petals littering the floor of the Great Hall as she walks in. Then, she pauses.

A banner decorated with Potter's face and the words "Will you go with me, Evans?" emblazoned next to his mouth is all the proof anyone needs to know who the culprits are.

Potter has a big, goofy grin on his face. "I can't wait for her to see it."

 _Me too,_ Alice thinks.

A piercing scream from the entrance gives her (and everyone) their answer.

* * *

 _Year Five_

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."

Potter looks thunderstruck as Lily storms away. "Evans!" he calls. "Hey EVANS!"

But Lily is too far gone.

Alice shoots a dirty glare at Potter and hurries in the direction she's gone, towards the lake. She finds Lily skipping stones with undisguised venom, each stone making a resounding _splash._

"Are you okay?" she asks, sitting next to Lily.

Lily huffs. "Does it look like I'm okay?"

No. No it doesn't. But for some inexplicable reason, Alice wants to tease her.

"No, you look positively chipper," she jests.

Lily's mood lightens a little. "I am," she responds, falsely cheery. "I just found out how much of a tosser my best friend is, and I just lost him."

She sobers and shifts closer towards Alice, tears welling up in her eyes. She rests her head on her shoulder. Alice lets her.

Lily was there for her when she needed her, so Alice is going to be the same.

A comforting, soothing scent enters her nose again. Jasmine. This time, Alice feels little bolts of electricity when Lily's hair tickles her shoulder.

 _Oh no._

* * *

"It's almost done," Lily reported. "It has the mother-of-pearl sheen and the steam is rising in the characteristic spirals, as stated in the textbook."

Alice, who has tuned out Lily a while ago and is passively participating, finally returns back to reality. She is rather curious to see what she smells.

"Now, get your lazy arse out of that seat and c'mere," Lily orders, a faint smile tugging at her lips.

Alice, deliberately sluggish, gets out of her stool and lumbers over to the cauldron. She shuts her eyes and inhales deeply.

She smells cookies. Her mother's. A hammer strikes her heart and shatters it.

Her father's wood-shop. The comforting, musty scent of sawdust and leather burns his nostrils and sends a pang of pain through her stomach.

And finally...

Alice inhales again and almost falls over.

Overlying all of the scents of home, of family, is a distinct, undeniable smell of _jasmine._

"Bloody hell," Alice murmurs, unheard by everyone.

It could be anyone's jasmine shampoo. But it has a unmistakable tang of citrus, Lily's signature conditioner.

Lily, with her dazzling smile and blazing eyes. Lily, with her brand of stubbornness and temper. Lily, the girl who has only the good of her friends in mind, who loves unconditionally.

Lily, the epitome of perfection.

The feelings for her friend had been building up for years, but Alice was too blind to see it.

The Amortentia is right.

 _Oh no,_ she realizes, bells going off in her head, _Lily's my soulmate._

* * *

 _Year Six_

"Lily!" Alice calls as her eyes land on a mass of red hair a few meters away. "Lily!"

Lily whirls around and smiles radiantly at Alice, and Alice's heart stops.

 _Woah._

Lily looks _different._ Like, a _good_ different. She's filled out, developed womanly curves. The baby fat on her cheeks has vanished to be replaced by a youthful glow. Her brilliant emerald eyes sparkle with elation. For _her._

 _Oh Merlin, this is going to be a long year._

* * *

Lily's raging. Again.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Lily is no exception.

And for once, she's not on a tirade about Potter.

It's about Diggory.

"How _dare_ he?" Lily roared, her hands tangled in her hair. "That-that _dirty cheat_!"

Her eyes are smoldering with ire. Her voice is shrill with indignation and her hands are clenched in fists.

And _oh man,_ does she turn Alice on.

Alice taps her shoulder and calmly hands her a Pumpkin Pasty. Lily takes it gratefully and sits heavily next to her. Both girls try to control their breathing.

"Do you think I'm just not good girlfriend material?" Lily asks tiredly.

"I dunno." Alice purposefully avoids her eyes.

"Maybe I wasn't a good enough girlfriend to Diggory," Lily continues. "But I didn't truly have feelings for him. Actually, now that I think about it, I never really liked any boys." She grins wryly. "Maybe I am gay."

Alice holds her breath. This is too good to be true. "Maybe you are," she suggests hopefully. "I mean, if you've don't like any boys..."

Lily claps a hand over her mouth. "I think I'm gay, Alice, I'm gay."

* * *

Potter is crushed when he catches Lily snogging another girl.

Black laughs.

Snape scoffs.

And Alice hopes.

* * *

 _Year Seven_

Alice finds out she's in love, ironically, on October 11th.

Lily smiles, gives her chaste kiss on the cheek, and departs for lessons.

And Alice stares after her, her heart thumping and her mind spinning with hundreds of questions.

* * *

It's February 25th when she finally works up the nerve to fess up.

* * *

"Lily." Alice approaches her after lessons. "I need to talk to you."

Lily gives her another one of her heart-stopping smiles. "Of course. I'll catch up to you later," she adds to Remus, who nods and hurries away.

"What's up?" she asks.

Alice's heart is beating so hard that she's sure that Lily can see it through her rib cage. Her palms are clammy and she can't breathe. She wonders if this is a mistake, if she's doing the right thing.

So, she does the rational thing.

She kisses her.

* * *

 _Twenty years later_

"I did it with panache and style. That's how I did it," Alice declares to her intrigued children.

"You didn't," Lily jokes from behind her. "If I recall, you pinned me to the wall and snogged the hell out of me."

"Oh, well, they get it."

* * *

 _2514 words_


End file.
